Hey, this is more or less a life update of me saying "I'm back in college now!" but this week been so rough to me that I just wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind

I'll try to not make this into a rant or vent. I just kinda wanna talk

For a while now, I been super unmotivated to create art, maybe now it's cause of irl stress but for a while it's been because of my self-esteem.

I always had poor self-esteem, I'll admit that but it started to show it's fangs more because of how much I'm "Lacking" this year.

A made a lot of art and now I'm not having fun anymore. Which is why I'm trying to switch to animation

But I think my bad self-esteem comes from not being able to "fit" here. I wanna be apart of this community of artists of all kinds but I feel like I'm not existent

I feel like a kinda shattered my voice and I won't be able to stand up and just talk to everyone or "fit in"

At times I feel unwelcomed just because I haven't done something that warrants anything

I sometimes feel like the shitpost artist that people just follow because "You made that one funny art piece of tankman, tom fulp or whatever" even though I'm trying to be more original with my works and actually make something that I am proud of more then just a silly joke I did one day

I really wanna do something great for this community like many people have, only issue is how scared I am to talk. I always been a shy person and now with a mixture of bad timing, luck, and my self-esteem I feel like I don't belong here at times

But I'm gonna keep trying, I have an animation in the works that I hope I can get done before the 4th. I wanna stay here badly but I just have to fight off my bad feelings and just roll with the punches

I am gonna stop working on art tho, I have no fun in that anymore and it started to just feel like I was trying to swing a bat that always missed the ball

Sorry if this became a bit more of a vent post, I just feel like, without giving a lot of personal life stuff out, talking about it here and just roll with the punches after that.

I honestly hope the best comes for everyone, this community been so nice and awesome

And hopefully one day I won't feel so disconnected here.

Hope everyone has a good one, here's to more content soon hopefully (If college doesn't kill me lol)